BATU, Indonesia. Photo by Jes Aznar

Friday, November 11, 2011

"Everything's Going to be Alright."

Once a while, the push comes to shove and all hell breaks loose. Everything that can go wrong goes wrong and you just wish that you're swallowed into a black hole temporarily and get back to reality only when things get back to normal.

This week is just one of those times. The nanny's passport application is hitting a wall. My external drive just died. The book project, which Jes and I have been working on for months now is NOT turning out the way we want it.

But that's almost ordinary compared to the real wrongs. Let me tell you how many wrongs there are. A friend has been diagnosed with cancer, stage 4. My child is in a shared room in a private hospital. I'm running out of cash. The health insurance won't pay for the bills because I chose a doctor whom I think is good instead of an accredited one. She has rashes all over her face. Her arms are filled with needle marks.

I was in the waiting room of St. Luke's when I got the test results of her blood test. She was there lying on my lap, tired and feeling very sick as I read the numbers. Her white blood cell count plunged to 1,700 from the normal range of 5,000 to 7,000. WTF! For a second, I thought it might be Leukemia. I broke down for five minutes before I got hold of my emotions.

Cruel this thing called motherhood.


But Jes said everything's going to be alright. And hearing those assuring words from him puts me in the safest and most comforting place in the universe in these difficult and stressful times. And here we are, back in that place found between the heart of an enigmatic young boy and a paradise of a beach called Puka.

And that's where my goose bumps* come from.

Goose bumps are the bumps on a person’s skin at the base of body hairs which may involuntarily develop when a person is cold or experiences strong emotions such as fear, nostalgia, pleasure, awe or admiration. They are created when tiny muscles at the base of each hair, known as arrectores pilorum, contract and pull the hair erect. The reflex is started by the sympathetic nervous system,which is responsible for many fight-or-flight responses. Source: Wikipedia (This is from a post by fellow blogger Jeanine Caron. Thank you for the inspiration!).